Drama

I've been trying to figure out why "the lifestyle" is so rife with drama. Certain individuals don't talk to each other, cliques and groups form and exclude others, people get emotionally battered and bruised and occasionally badly hurt. Why? I think it boils down to two causes: bad decisions and bad actions.

Decisions regarding who we associate with, what we reveal and how quickly are key to our growth. Some people intuitively understand that, some don't stop to put themselves in our shoes. We can't control how they react and it's very hard to predict sometimes, but ultimately we make the decisions that start that sequence of events. Picking the wrong person for the wrong reasons seems to lead to a lot of drama. In hindsight we realize that we ignored alarms in our own mind, instinct overridden by rationalization so we could do what we thought we wanted to do at the time. Regret hurts, and it's easy to aim it at someone else.

The only way to make it worse is to act badly. Humility and looking honestly within ourselves for root cause is extraordinarily hard, and few people take the time and energy to do that. "How did I contribute to this" is all too often bypassed in knee-jerk pursuit of "look what they did to me." We accuse, we look for ways to hurt back, to punish. Unfortunately, this only compounds the regret and the knot is pulled tighter still.

Sadly, these negative feelings grow very well in a vacuum, better still in an echo chamber fed back to us, amplified by people who want to show that they are our friends. But it's not helping us. It's hurting everyone. The only way to address an issue is to sit down and talk with the other person. Get the assumptions out onto the table. Work out what hurts and why. Figure out where your common ground is and how you can help each other. But stop it from festering and make sure that nobody is hurting each other.

Children have a hard time with reconciliation and getting along in the long term. They see the short-term "solution" of cutting others out of their existence. I would hope, however, that as they grow towards adulthood they learn how to deal with those around them in a constructive way. Some do. Some do not.

Bad decisions and bad actions. All of it can be fixed as long as it is not compounded, held as sacred out of spite labeled as "principle." Drama is not necessary. Talking is... communicating is; forgiveness and understanding are. Paradoxically, drama is far, far more effort in the long term. So if a hand is extended, a good decision is to take it, at least tentatively. Most of us are far beyond the excuse of the playground, we're grown adults who have to live in a complex subculture within an complex culture in a very complex world. Simplicity is the best way to cope, to provide calm, warm, stable relationships.

But then... that's just my opinion.

QL