Old Yearnings, New Forrays

I've mentioned chastity so many times that both of my readers are likely getting tired of it.  If this describes you (or you, the other reader) then you might as well tune out now.  And not just for this post.  I'll be talking a bit about this for a while.

You see, I'm diving into a medium-scale experiment to dig deeper into what this is all about.  I've gone four to five days locked up in my CB-6000 before, and I do enjoy the emotional roller coaster, the sexual frustration, and the intensity of the drawn-out experience.  It's not something I'd like forever, mind you, but for a time, it's exciting.  There are aspects and angles I want to dive MUCH deeper on.

Solving Problems

There have been barriers in the past, and I'm searching for ways beyond them.  Some items I have had trouble dealing with in "the real world" -- and which never seem to come up in fantasy portrayals -- include:

Sleeping

Eventually nocturnal "activity" wakes me up in extreme agony.  This has threatened enough damage to sensitive orbs that I've called it off for this alone.  I'm trying a smaller ring to see if that helps keep things where they belong.

Exercise

I'm a cyclist and a runner.  Wearing a cage can be difficult for running, nearly impossible for cycling.  Since I'm a Time Trialist, the flat-back position is a non-starter for wearing anything "down there."  But I'm not riding much these days.  If I keep to running, wearing a device may be something that I can be acclimatized to over time.  I will have to give up the customary triathlon shorts for running since they hide NOTHING.

General Lifestyle

Having to sit down to urinate can be limiting since men's bathrooms are not set up for this.  Often there's only one stall, so it can be difficult to navigate the day.  Good thing I kicked the caffeine habit so I don't need to go fifteen times a day.

Shaving smooth and wearing a ring that holds everything in place is step one, and I'm already past that.  I'm test wearing the CB right now, increasing the time each day.  My hope is that in a couple of weeks I can stay locked up all day and night.  Then things start getting more interesting.

Next Steps

I'm looking around for a key safe.  If you aren't aware of how this works, the wearer of a chastity device puts the keys in a safe that can only be opened with remote permission.  The mechanism for this can vary, from needing the 8-digit combination, to someone else actually triggering the electromechanical locking mechanism via a command over the internet.  There are varying degrees of security, from viewing through a webcam to light, motion, and tamper sensors built into the safe.  Of course, the cost varies along with the sophistication and security; $50 to almost $600.  I'm playing at the $50 level right now.

The web site http://keysafe.org is where I have a profile right now, though if someone else has other options, I'd love to hear about it.  The site allows connecting with a keyholder and allowing them to control your keys (via the safe).  There are other features, too, but that's the gist.

I do want to find out more about what happens to me psychologically when I have been locked for a while.  I think I'll get very accommodating towards my keyholder.  It scares me a little thinking about the extent to which that might be true.  I'd better be careful choosing the individual to whom I turn over that power.  Haha.

I'm looking forward to this side-journey into play.  I'll keep both of you posted on how it goes and what twists and turns I go through along the way.

Waking Up

When I started dating a vanilla woman last year, several kinky ladies made what I thought at the time were over-the-top predictions of my future. "You're kinky, don't try to pretend otherwise," was the general sentiment. "But good luck, anyway." Yes, they are my friends and I appreciate the concern.

I'm drifting from that relationship now, mostly due to kink. I'm submissive. I need that in my relationship. I need to be accepted for who I am, including my cross-dressing and my need to serve and my fetishy nature. Vanilla just isn't going to cut it for me; I need a really interesting woman in my life or no one at all.

These revelations have lead me to the local "scene," finally stepping out the front door with my kink after over forty years of holding it in. I'm no "player," having only attended one function so far, but I'm slowly letting go of fears and barriers to happiness. We all have to do it some time. I am learning so much and finding such supportive people. Not sure at this point what my "style" is, and I have not yet begun to play, but I have a desire to learn and may have found someone to try playing with at some point when we are both ready.

That's a huge arc to have traveled in a year, and I'm happy to still be in flight. I hope there are many comments to make here as I continue to learn and understand more every day.

And to those who were so vehement about what you thought would make me happy, thank you for caring. I wasn't ignoring you, I just needed something at that moment that over-rode my thinking brain. Be well, everyone.

QL