Skillz

It's not just Dominants who need to have skills for successful D/s play.  There are things that can make a submissive more "ready" to submit.  Lately, I've been playing with some of these as much for something to do sexually as for any particular purpose or expectation.

1:  Working regularly in what I call "maid mode," I've been exercising my "servant skills."  This regular embodiment of the attitude, personality, and presentation of an excellent, hardworking, and obedient housemaid allows me to enter into and stay productive in that role when called upon to do so.  I consider it a privilege to be in service to a Domme I respect and prefer to do "heavy" work (cleaning) in blocks of two to four hours and personal service for longer.  This means I need to be capable of being effective and focused on my role for those time frames, and be able to move effectively and naturally in the dress and heels.  I get annoyed at submissives who just want to dress up, wave a feather duster around a bit, then whine for a hand job.  They give the maid role a terrible reputation when it should be one of the most sought after and prized by Dommes.

2:  Wearing a chastity device requires stepped conditioning over time, as much as two to four weeks to accustom the body to long-term wear.  I've begun the process of training my body to wear a device without unnecessary chaffing or rash.  I'm currently not locked full time, but spending every other day or so wearing my Holy Trainer 2.  I don't like the idea of being locked up "permanently," but I would like to bring the greatest capability possible to any situation.

3:  Sexual control is a key aspect of almost any relationship a submissive will be in.  Chastity is a HUGE help here -- I put on my device when I start feeling strong arousal coming on -- but it isn't the end of the story.  I haven't had a full orgasm in over a week.  Instead, once the sexual tension builds up and I decide to grant myself relief, I use a Hitachi Magic Wand against my chastity device and a prostate massager to "take the edge off."  Being aroused and penetrated while locked is a thoroughly submissive experience, very different from a full orgasm.  It's similar to a "ruined" orgasm or "milking" and occurs deeper inside the body and emotions than a full ejaculation.  Feelings of post-relief regret are MUCH less pronounced than with an orgasm, and the refractory period is either nonexistent or very short.  Not only do I usually remain in a mostly submissive mindset, but I feel relieved that I do.  I'm experimenting to see if this type of relief is sufficient over a long period of time since it does move fluids and exercises some of the key plumbing.  Being easy to control and sexually maintain in a very submissive headspace could be a very attractive quality in a submissive, particularly if cuckolding is involved.

4:  I've set one of my computers up to display tasteful photos of women on a very slow rotation.  (No nudes or directly sexual photos!)  The simple presence of femininity in my universe keeps me feeling docile, a feeling I absolutely love.  This makes me feel grateful that I am so vulnerable and easy to manipulate, and that motivates me to be a better submissive.  The near-constant low-level arousal makes me crave being locked up so I don't orgasm in a selfish way.  It's a low-power, high-need state, and it makes me feel like a ripe fruit ready to be picked, helpless to do anything about it.  I like it a LOT.

So these are my current experiments in building submissive "skills."  Clearly, they are more mental and emotional than physical, but the ability to employ the physical aspects are key to being more "real" as a submissive, not just another selfish wanker.  Dommes get a bazillion of those.  I want to be far, far more.

*yawn* *stretch*

I should probably be flogged for the amount of time that has passed since my last post. Okay, so that was obviously bait for Dommes, and I should probably be flogged for tossing out bait like that.  Yes, it has been quite a while since last I posted, but having a lovely Domme in one's life and getting opportunities to play is fantastic, pushing things like blogs slightly away from the foreground of attention.

I'm not spending so much time with my wonderful lady friend as I was.  Her tastes are evolving, growing in scope and scale, and my needs are kind of heading off in a different direction.  We got together a couple of weeks ago over breakfast, and I was struck once again at how lucky we are to have found each other.  We'll be friends for a long, long time even if the frequency of play has decreased from an unsustainable -- but oh-so-exciting -- crescendo through a good portion of this year.  It has not been a flash-in-the-pan relationship, more a year of getting to know each other, pushing boundaries, doing things as friends, and playing... sometimes quite hard.

Now I'm in a place where work is front-and-center again.  The apple cart that is the illusion of steady employment went all Thelma-and-Louise on me a few months back, and I'm in the midst of building a bigger and better cart filled with more and varied apples... on a different road entirely.  This takes time, attention, effort, and energy, so I'm keeping my kinky mind engaged as I can.  Going to BDSM events is kind of out of the question at the moment, but there are other ways to explore.

Chastity is back in my brain, though I have yet to work out how that can work for someone who cycles several times a week and runs five miles or more most days... while wearing spandex shorts.  I mean:  ow.  But I have learned that having a wonderful woman rooting around in the brain is bliss, and nothing wedges into the synapses quite like control and denial of sexual relief.  Desperation changes the game, shifts power, and overcomes fear with need.  No idea where this will lead since a vast majority of dommes on line are fee-for-service, and many of those are actually men.  I'm not a cynic, I'm just not stupid.

For now, though, I'm kicking back in skirt and heels very occasionally, reading and trying to keep up with the world through the window of my monitor, and working hard to become a bazillionaire so I can fund fantasies... or at least pay my mortgage.

Maybe I'll even keep this blog up again.

Comments

Work continues to be a challenge, with too many people working too hard and a customer that individually only tangentially understands what we are doing on their behalf. The team hangs together and leans on each other quite well now, with some cracks occasionally showing; nothing major. It's easy to start to think of these folks as my friends. We're friendly and we care about each other.

Today something happened that made me "wake up" and think about how close I can really be with work at all. Somehow somebody brought up the case of a guy he had worked with years ago who got caught wearing one of his wife's dresses. You'd think he had murdered in cold blood, the disbelief and universal disgust that came over the group. Granted this is the "programmed" reaction that society so thoughtlessly imposes on almost everyone. And it was all in good fun to laugh at someone who wasn't there.

"Some men just have an... urge," said one guy in mock seriousness. Then laughter erupted in the room. I had been buried in a detailed task and had not been a part of the conversation for quite some time, so I just kept to what I was doing and ignored it all. But it made me feel vulnerable, frightened to ever be "found out."

The funny thing is that the afternoon before, Nikita had asked me to please wear heels because she liked what they did for my legs. She said I had nicer legs than many women and that heels suited me. She said I was hot, and I don't think she was just saying that.

So I know who my real friends are, and I know who wants me for me. The interesting thing is that this brings my job into clear focus, trims it to it's rightful place in my life. It's not my life, it's one component in the tapestry. The people I know there are nice folks, but they are not my friends.