Birds of a Feather

One of the most difficult things about being a submissive guy is the fact that a vast majority of women want Pillars of Dominant Masculinity at the core of their men. That's not to say that these women want a macho jerk in their lives, but they want a guy who comes across as a leader, someone who will take charge, set the pace. To each her own. But that's not me.

I spend my work days getting masses of people (my current effort is about 30 direct, several hundred indirect) lined up and going in the same direction. I lead them, teach them, challenge them, cajole them, encourage them, and -- in those extremely rare cases in which I can find no other alternative -- go toe to toe with them. But I meet my objective. Always. But when I come home I have absolutely no interest in making all the decisions. In fact, the thought nauseates me. CAN I do it? Yes. Is it me? No. What lights my candle is a woman who is comfortable telling me what I can do for her, who gets enjoyment out of my applying my get-it-done attitude to obediently following her lead.

But she will face the same problem I face, only in reverse. Society wants her to be docile and ready to follow a man's lead. She will be hiding behind a sheen of what-is-expected, ready to burst at the mismatch between how she feels and the way so much of the world is. Normal for her isn't normal for the world. To prevent being labeled as "pushy" or "domineering" or "selfish," she will have become adept at keeping her thoughts and feelings hidden.

So we each live our lives, either pretending all the time for fear of not fitting in or dealing with the social disapproval of who we are. The worst thing is that we might be so good at pretending that we could meet, talk, shake hands politely, and go on our way without ever knowing that we just came into contact with someone with whom we share a very profound bond.

As I age and realize that there is a limit to how long I'll be around, I care less about appearances. But I still must put food on the table. My work is in a relationship business, wrecked at the wrong reputation or rumor, built over decades and not to be risked unnecessarily. But I'm more interested every day in finding ways to let the right women know who I am, that we are birds of a feather and we can understand and care about each other as medicine for our mis-fit with society.

Quietlisten