Eye Candy

In a previous post titled "Attractive," I posited that it may be possible for men to be packaged and presented as sex objects for the enjoyment of women.  I also bemoaned the reluctance of women to partake of such opportunities openly.  For the sake of mental exercise and thought experiment, I'm going to assume that such women exist and most are merely hiding behind blush and titter to remain socially acceptable.  That may be a horrible assumption, but it allows me to continue on with my thought experiment.

First, let me state -- as I did in the previous note -- that while I do play with cross dressing at times, I'm more "gender fluid," living 98% of the time at the very masculine end and drifting along a continuum away from masculinity to varying degrees, almost never attempting to "pass" as female.  I'm not talking about cross dressing here, though since women have access to any and all fashion, any movement away from strictly masculine is going to end up in female territory in short order.  In addition, women already inhabit the arena of sexual display that I'm targeting, so it's natural that much, if not most, of what I contemplate here was created for women.

Also, I'm not talking about re-writing social norms around clothing.  When I consider these opportunities for expression, my thought is that they take place in very small and intimate private gatherings.  This isn't a treatise on changing corporate dress codes or even club culture.  But if I can help people to imagine something a little different at a 20-person social at a person's home, or a visit to a small play party, then that would be a lovely start.

So what are the elements of sexual "packaging" that I'm talking about?  It shouldn't be a surprise:  tight and revealing clothing, shiny and thin fabrics, lifting and separating, trussing up and shaping, exposure and vulnerability, sacrifice of comfort for visual appeal.  Women take these things as granted.  To men they are alien.

There are (wonderful) differences between men and women, of course.  Men don't need support or even coverage in the chest area, but we don't have that wonderful and bedazzling decolletage to display under the thinnest possible guise, either.  While women are encouraged to enhance their "assets" -- even taking on elective surgery to gain the most visual advantage -- men typically are expected to completely hide their equipment.  But isn't it more empowering for women if they can glance at a man and see how he stacks up?  She can determine for herself what her preferences are and priorities, but there is power in having the information available with no personal risk or investment.  At this point, I'm going to set aside the "Ew, that's gross" sentiment as an artifact of patriarchy dutifully perpetuated by some and ask only the grown-ups to continue.

Another huge difference is that men are hairy.  As my mind wanders away from my grunting masculinity, I develop a desire to shed some of this fur, to enjoy the sensuality of slick and smooth skin.  This is not easy to achieve and is even harder to maintain.  I'm going to accept it as possible for the moment, though, in order to move the image forward.  I have accomplished it in the past and practice it daily with my scalp and face.

While surveying the world for sources of fashion that could be adopted for the uses I've outlined, I ended up with several fashion items to start with:

Hot Shorts:  Brief and tight shorts that cover everything (tightly), but not by much.  The defining feature is an almost complete lack of leg covering, no more than 1" inseam.  Styles cut too low may not leave room for a guy's "equipment."  Preferred if there are no pockets and no zips or buttons.  Metallic and bright colors attract attention.  Obviously, if the shorts are tight enough, underwear would be out of the question and a bit of an affront to the concept.

Transparent, Semi-transparent, or Mesh Tops:  Taking advantage of men's flatter chest and lack of social restriction on visibility of male nipples, being vague or half-hearted about coverage actually turns maleness into an advantage for self display.  Transparent latex could work well, as well as gauzy and shimmery fabrics.  Anything structured to separate breasts -- underwires, halters, triangle tops, etc. would look more like cross dressing than male display.

Propped Foot:  This is one I have not figured out.  Stilettos are solidly into female fashion, and guys rarely look attractive in them.  A wedge or chunk may be better.  Defining the legs and ass is a wonderful effect, as is the vulnerability of being stood up on toes.  But men are already taller than women, so this could be a bit of overkill.  Any ideas on this would be appreciated.  What to do about the shoooooz?!

Accessories:  As a submissive, I love the idea of classy collars and cuffs.  The thin metal style -- stainless steel, for example -- would look amazing in this mode, more like "locking jewelry" than a heavy shackle.  "Trailer hitch."  (Look it up.)  I do think that a VERY small amount of carefully considered eyeliner, mascara, and clear lip gloss could be a nice addition, though I'm not a fan of full makeup on men.  It typically looks like stucco over ancient leather.  Very small amounts, though, could be beneficial accenting.  Thinning eyebrows would be a very good idea.

Notice the preference for no pockets.  One key feature to make this enjoyable to the wearer is to have no way to hide, no place to put nervous hands, and no ability to carry wallet, money, ID, keys, etc.  I like the idea of putting an exclamation point behind the word Vulnerable!

In searching for these elements, I've found a handful of examples of the ideas well implemented.  Again, these are modeled by women because the male market is, maybe, two people including me.  But insert your favorite shaved submissive guy into the images:

Simple and clean look, could be accentuated with nude-colored hose?

Love this whole look... wet and slippery and nothing hidden.

Nice top that hides nothing.  Time to get my nipples pierced?

Those are some general ideas.  I've discussed these thoughts with a couple of Dommes who generally like the idea in theory.  It's one of those things that could work or bomb, depending on implementation and the energy thrown off by the wearer.  It also absolutely demands physical fitness on the part of the guy being "packaged."  No beer gut or man breasts would be even slightly tolerable here, another delicious reversal for a guy to find himself in.

This is not a "manly" look.  In fact, it's exactly the opposite, which is part of the reason I like it so much.  The idea is to be pleasing and pleasant, sexually vulnerable and submissive.  Some women may like having such guys around, though the attraction may or may not be purely animal.  Other women may feel empowered by a guy taking on this role.  Still others might hate the idea, feel threatened or be offended.

I would really like to hear from women about a few things:
1)  Do you like the concept of some few males being presented as eye candy for the enjoyment of women?  (Some men may enjoy guys dressed like this, too, which is fine... but that's another discussion.)
2)  Which elements of the proposed fashion do you find appealing?  What could be changed to enhance your enjoyment?
3)  Do you have ideas towards the general goal that might "fill out" the concept a bit more?  What would titillate you if you found a guy wearing it at a social engagement of kinky people?

Please help me flesh out these thoughts.  I'd like to make an attempt to bring it to reality at some point, and the more information I have from others to balance out the fantasy in my own head, the more enjoyable it will be for everyone.

In the mean time, I'll keep looking for ways to smash assumptions and wreck social convention... but in the most polite possible way.

QL

Dancing with Quandaries

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I care about.  That's not the same as "what I want," but what drives me and makes me think and feel.  There are some major quandaries that I've been trying to reconcile:

1)  I love strong, confident, capable women... but I detest gruff and unsophisticated women who bark whims and take offense easily.

2)  I love to support smart women, taking on a subordinate role to help them achieve worthwhile and well-thought-out goals... but I ruffle at having my identity or independence diminished to the point where the ONLY thing I am is an accessory.

This is a difficult dance: power exchange but not life-diminishing in effect, feminine dominance of the relationship without the need to simply flip maledom roles.  The most wonderful sensation in the world is looking at a woman, being attracted to her (the person, not just physically), and feeling the "click" of the switch inside that makes me need to support her.

That "click" isn't just a nice-to-have occasional neat thing.  It's not some adjunct aspect of sexual arousal.  It's deep in the mind and it's wonderfully entwined with my identity.  It IS sex.  Anything she may want of me physically comes out of that feeling, otherwise it's a sad sham and sure to be short lived.

And she has to know that this power is hers.  She has to know that it's earned, not just handed out to anyone.  If that switch has been thrown in my brain, then she's beyond special.

Let's dance.

Cleaning House

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Random Thoughts and Realizations

It's rather embarrassing how long I've been away from this blog.  To issue my typical rejoinder when apologizing to kinky people:  I should be flogged for it.  Please.  (ta-dum-dum)

My mind has been churning madly lately, and that means that both of my readers are bound to be sploodged with the kinky butter that results.  So in no particular order, and with no regard to priority, here are some random thoughts from the past however-many months.

Chastity

I still love the idea of chastity, but there are some caveats and issues to be addressed.  First among these is the focus and purpose of the exercise.  I see chastity play as an extension of an intimate relationship, a deepening of a caring bond.  It's a way for bondage and sexual power dynamics to wander out into the "real world."  The difficulties mostly revolve around the the male body and the device meant to entrap a particular part of that body.

Just as penises come in many lengths, girths, and curves, there is lot of variation in the degree to which any given organ will change when erect.  Some merely harden but don't grow more than a few percent from starting size.  Others lengthen by four or six times their starting size.  A friend once called these "showers" and "growers," respectively.  Growers suffer horribly in a traditional chastity cage.  Once little Dr. Banner starts to get angry, the poor cage hangs on for dear life.  Castration by caged penile Hulkitude is a real possibility.  I have personally never broken through (pardon the pun) that nuts-ripped-off barrier, particularly with involuntary nighttime erections.

Wearing the cage around is actually a very, very nice experience.  It really does make a guy feel a sense of being controlled, a very real sexual dependence that feels simply warm and wonderful.  Longer-term wear really is something that a guy can get accustomed to, but some activities make wear difficult.  As a cyclist and a time trialist, I have to "lay across" the handlebars for hours at a time, my back flat and groin pressed into a very small space in the saddle.  Beyond the fact that spandex shorts reveal everything down to freckles to everyone, the prospect of crushing myself into permanent falsetto is in no way erotic.  I also don't want to give up a sport that is partly responsible for me being in good physical condition.

So I continue to play with short-term wear with hopes that I can share this with a wonderful partner before too long.

Femininity and The Female Form

Nothing in the universe is more attractive than the female form.  Nothing. I used to think that this was a purely sexual drive, that it arose out of the short-term chemical-induced madness known as lust.  But I had an experience that changed my viewpoint.  A series of non-emergency medical tests over six months increased and decreased my testosterone levels several times.  I went from monster to zero interest in any form of sex, then cycled again.  (I'm at neither extreme now.  Thank you for asking.)  But even when I was at my lowest levels, I had an absolute fascination with the female form and feminine beauty.  Curves and motion and eyes and pose still jumped out at me, resonating in my bones, not just in regions I'm accustomed to feeling such things.

Oddly, fetish images -- favorites such as latex and leather and spandex -- maintained their attraction. But it was much more of an appreciation than pure lust.  The fetish clothing simply amplified the resonance with the curves and the motion and the eyes and the pose.

I love that the attraction is much deeper than direct and momentary urges.  I love that this feeling of helplessness to the beauty and charm of women is not just hard wired into me... it's part of my fundamental scaffolding.

Maid Service

I was extremely fortunate to be able to serve as a woman's maid for a short time.  I would take my things over to her house, change into a simple cotton hotel maid's uniform and sensible shoes, then work for a while.  With practice, I was able to vacuum her whole house efficiently, clean the kitchen, dust, and very occasionally do laundry, make beds, empty trash, and perform other chores.  I enjoyed it because she was a spectacularly wonderful lady for whom I enjoyed working.

I have never bought into the traditional sissy maid fantasy, with the mincing and faux dusting and 6" heels.  I particularly don't like the "forced" fantasy nor the punishment-for-minor-mistakes play.  These feel selfish to me.  I want to BE a servant to the Lady and her home, working for her very real comfort and leisure.  I want us both to enjoy the strict power dynamic.  And I want to feel the pleasure of EARNING my uniform, the privilege of wearing it, and my status as her servant.

We did experiment with more elaborate play.  She held a dinner in  her home with a friendly couple one night, and I was instructed to wear a more formal satin "English" style uniform.  It was a tremendous success with both of us learning many lessons that evening.  I am no cook, so my role was mostly serving at the table.  I love that I got a rush out of serving, out of the silently dismissive thank-you glances as I re-filled glasses, being ignored in the conversation as I stood at attention in the corner, and the quiet cleaning up when everyone dropped their napkins on plate or floor and adjourned to the living room.  It was later that I realized what an honor it was to be allowed to serve these good people, shamelessly displayed as a kinky decoration and treated as a servant.

My life is too busy to spend hours every week cleaning someone else's house, but I hope that I can find my way back into some sort of servant role again.  The Lady has to be worth the effort, though, and she has to understand at least some of the psychology behind the kink.  Some day.

Strap-on Play

Fortune piled upon fortune, the same woman who let me serve as her maid also enjoyed strap-on play.  She taught me many things about hygene, preparation, and other key technical points.  And the fact that she so enjoyed it made it worth learning.  Up front I'm going to state that when done right, it really, really feels good.

The real benefits for me, though, were psychological.  Not to revisit a refrain too many times in one post, but a strap-on can be a tool of unparalleled bonding.  So many times in the popular kinky press, a strap-on is portrayed as a punishment or a humiliation to the man.  Nonsense!  While it does crash some gender barriers -- and good riddance to those -- it's just lovely, deep (preferably), moaning, squirming penetration.  Whether it's face-down-ass-up power play or soulful eye staring while she pins your wrists to the bed, it's all a delightful change-up that mocks rigid gender differentiation.  Between two people who care about each other, how can that be in any way bad.

Of the items I've discussed here so far, this one is probably the most powerful.  The others are more about relating on an overall basis, while this one is a very intense and in-the-moment bonding experience.  Having experienced it, I will say that it can be a wonderful expression of vulnerability and openness, and I hope it is part of any future serious sexual relationship I have.

Onward

I'm not sure if I'll get fully back into "the BDSM community" again.  It had a very High School feel to it, and I never liked High School.  But I have been feeling like it's time to connect with key people again, and to expand my circle of kinky acquaintances.  It's not a hobby, it's part of who I am.  And as busy and distracted as I've been the past months, I need to make room for this part of me.

All I have to say is... beware Hulkitude.