Sunday, May 31, 2015

Taking a break

So, I have my unlock code and have decided that I'm taking a break from the chastity experiment for a while.  The fact is that I don't have anyone to be chaste for.  That makes a huge difference, and I'm at the point in my journey at which I need the connection to keep going.

Also, my schedule is suddenly extraordinarily packed, so I'm going to focus on life in general for a bit and come back to this when it makes sense.  Will keep you all informed!  Thanks for stopping by and reading.


Saturday, May 30, 2015

Plus and Minus

The lock on the Holy Trainer 2 is not a traditional padlock.  It is integrated into the device and is barely visible when everything is assembled.  To get the device on, one must have the key so that the mechanism can be shifted into the locked position before the key is removed.

This is a negative if a keyholder wishes to ship a lock sans keys to the wearer, or if a numbered disposable lock is preferred.

On the bright side, it makes for an ultra sleek device.  And if a wearer LIKES wearing the device, the keys can be controlled so that the HT2 can't be put on and locked.  How's that for double-reverse insane motivation alignment?

"You haven't been good enough to wear the chastity device."

"Nooooooo!  I'll be good, I swear!"

"Nope.  Keys stay locked up for now."

"Dammit."

Okay, I'm confused.  Time for bed.

Progression

I think that my lack of blogging here is a milestone in itself.  Yes, I'm still in the HT2, so far without complications or problems.  In fact, I'm not waking up so often at night, and I don't notice the device while out and about.  Yes, going to the bathroom still takes a small amount of planning, but that's not the big deal it once was.

The biggest surprise this time around is the emotional / sexual change.  I'm not as desperate as I was after a few days the first week I was in chastity.  Even though I "cleared the pipes" several times last weekend -- purely for health reasons, you understand -- the total sexual insanity endured during days 3 - 5 of lockdown are nowhere near as intense this time.  In fact, the device feels "safe" rather than like an infernal barrier.

And that brings me to the psychological changes.  While locked up, I feel less like a participant in the sexual dance and more like a neutral observer.  (Or is it neutered observer?)  I still absolutely LOVE being around women and all things feminine, but the constant male calculus of who might be flirting or like what she sees just isn't happening like it does when I'm not locked up.  I feel appreciation and admiration without a need to perform in a particular way.  So... feelings of safety times two.  What is up with that?

I will very soon -- as in this weekend -- have to figure out how to keep my prostate healthy while locked up.  If I can crack the code on that issue, then there is no reason I can't stay locked up for longer periods.  Intellectually, I understand the methods; but reading a post or article on "how to" does not help make it happen.  It's a learned sensation to some extent, and I have not yet learned it.

Strict Mistress at keysafe.org will give me the combination to my lock box by end of day tomorrow.  I'd like to just roll over into another period of lockdown, perhaps just go on a weekly cycle.  That rollover period will be my only chance to make some key adjustments, like offering keys to a potential keyholder or allowing authorized people to tweak my lockdown time and other settings.  I'll be thinking about that over the next day or so.  I've been ratcheting up the intensity pretty rapidly, and so far that has been fine.  I've ultimately been in control, and no third parties have really had much say in anything.  The progression I am going through looks something like:

1)  Lock device on for a few hours; work out wearability issues.
2)  Lock device on for a few days; carry keys with me at all times.
3)  Lock device on for a week; keep keys nearby.
4)  Lock device on for a week; lock keys in keysafe; keep safe master key accessible.
5)  Lock device on for a week at a time; update settings each week; lock keys in keysafe; master key accessible in emergency, but tamper evident. (This is where I am now.)
6)  Turn keys over to Keyholder;  lock device on for indefinite period; lock keys in keysafe; master key remotely accessible in an extreme emergency, but tamper evident and / or under someone else's control.


Oh, and I've been toying with a design for an Arduino module that goes in a keysafe and reports a log to the keyholder via wireless e-mail, so she/he knows any time the safe has been opened or moved.  Am I nuts?!


Thursday, May 28, 2015

In The Groove

There's really not a ton to post today.  I'm getting through my days just fine with some minor adjustments here and there.   I trimmed neatly before putting the cage on, so there is slightly less "padding," but that doesn't seem to have changed much about the experience.

I did run this morning, a bit shy of 6.5 miles.  But now that's nothing new.  I'm actually quite comfortable locked.

Emotionally, Day 3 is when the struggle begins.  It hits peak on Day 5.  If I post, it will likely be about that.  Since I've never gone more than a week, I don't know what happens to my brain after that length of time.  It will be interesting to find out.  It kind of feels like just waiting right now.

Perhaps that will change.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Testing, Testing... 1, 2, 3....

I registered my safe with the Keysafe site and they were really quick in getting my account set up.  My keys are locked in the safe and only Strict Mistress has the combination now.  I've forgotten it.  I remember that there are two 4s towards the end.  If I really wanted to remember, I could do it.  But I specifically don't.

The current lockdown period is only for three days or so... not a huge deal.  I also brought a manual key and the safe itself on this trip -- nice to be driving and not flying -- just in case there are problems.  Baby steps.  But my hope is that I can extend my time if all is going well and get the feel of not having the keys quickly accessible.  I'll also vet out the safe and the site to make sure I know how everything works prior to giving up more control for longer.

Interesting journey.  I didn't think I'd make it this far, but here I am.  And craving more, too.  Yikes!  How deep is the rabbit hole?

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

I'm IN!

What am I thinking?  I mean... why lock myself back in this contraption?  Oh, but my insanity gets even better.

Today I bought an actual programmable lockbox that will act as my keysafe.  Yes, I can pry the thing open without using the combination, but I can get out of the actual chastity device if so motivated, too.  It's a matter of scale of effort and what I care about.  The safe can take an 8-digit combination, so I'll likely use it in conjunction with the keysafe.org web site... what they call their "Model 50" safe.  There is only one person there (automated keyholders excepted) that I care to give my keys to.  And we haven't really discussed it yet.  So this is mostly my little experiment.

I'm shooting for two weeks this time, doubling my previous record.  Not sure why that is appealing to me, but it is.  I'll keep everyone informed as to my journey, though daily updates are not very likely.

Baby steps.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Next Steps

I've spent the weekend out of the HT2, and I have to say that for some activities that is a huge relief.  Surprisingly, running doesn't seem to be a problem, though I have had to stop wearing triathlon shorts for that... baggy works better.  I did, however, spend a lot of time doing yard work in old jeans.  Old jeans shrink, and there is a lot of bending over while doing yard work.  So, not good for wearing a device that might just crush things that shouldn't be crushed.  I could probably find a way to live with it -- wearing baggy shorts, for instance -- but there is a reason I wear old jeans while doing things like clearing brush... they protect.

The past couple of days have taught me that the feelings towards women that I have while locked are different than the ones I have while not.  It's not a difference between "better" or "worse," it's just a different tint.  When I'm locked up, I feel more comfortable NOT pursuing in a directly sexual way, as if I've been relieved of social expectations of "maleness."  I feel like I want to support and appreciate more, and more broadly.  And I feel a lovely, pervasive sense of deference.

That's not to say that sexual attraction goes away, in fact in one sense it intensifies greatly.  I'm a huge fan of the female form and all things feminine.  By about Day 5 of being locked up, every hourglass figure snatches my attention regardless of any attempt to concentrate on something else.  A whiff of perfume or a nice pair of shoes or hair tucked behind the ear can send all mental activity off of thoughtful rails and into the chaotic ravine of built-up tension.  I really, really enjoy being that manipulable, feeling the cage remind me that I am in a sexual prison.  There is a background neediness that pervades every aspect of thought.

Chastity is sexual control, hopefully quite caring.  It is also a way to bend the mind using the sex drive and open new ways of relating and interacting with women.  It can also be a direct tool for punishment and reward, though whether extending lockup time represents "punishment" or "reward" depends a lot on circumstance and relationship between keyholder and locked.  But just as a side note, it is NOT a way to make orgasms more mind-blowing; it does take one or two orgasms to get all functions working like normal.

So far, I have retained control of my keys.  I suspect that a keyholder would command some part of my mind and sexual identity in a very profound way.  It's not clear to me how that "bubble of control" would make me see the world around me, or how I would feel about my keyholder immediately or over time.  I think I would enjoy the sense of needy deference, the very real power she would have over me.  This is something I would like to explore more with someone who was interested in me as a person.

To date, I have only been locked up for a week.  That's not a lot of time in chastity terms.  I was experiencing some slight soreness from the ring of the device, but I doubt that could not be overcome.  I have fears about prostate health and ability to function long term if I partake in chastity more regularly... or a lot.  So, I'll do some reading and figure out what boundaries make sense.

There hasn't really been a point to this note yet.  So I'll just try to wrap it up:  chastity play is more possible than I thought, and I am hoping to dive deeper into it.  Who knows how deeply the rabbit hole goes?  This evening, there may be a *click* sound with no idea when the *unclick* might happen.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

I'm OUT!

I woke up this morning thinking about taking the cage off.  Some of that was, as one would expect, excitement at the prospect of enjoying an erection and orgasm again, but some was also extreme interest in the condition of all the parts that have been caged up.

The punchline:  I'm fine.  There was some irritation where the ring was continually pulled against the back of the scrotum, but that was known and expected.  Also, a small patch of black appeared on one side of the head of my penis.  This seemed to rub off and could have been residue inside the plastic when I put it on.  (Yes, I cleaned the device before stuffing myself into it, but who knows what got in there as I tried to get it on.)  But overall, everything was fine.  No bruising, no creasing, and no pinching.  All is well.

I had some concerns about how my "package" stood away from the body during attempts at erections, but as soon as the cage was off, everything was "back to normal."  So my worries are kind of taken care of.

Yes, I did "exercise my prostate."  Yes, it felt good.  But it wasn't earth-shattering in the way that fiction says it will be.  In fact, it was slightly (though really not much) more difficult than usual, a fact that has me wondering about long-term effects.  As I've mentioned before, I have a lot to learn.  But I did feel an incredible sensation of relief and probably need to do this again at least once before I consider any further lockdown time.

I'm going to give everything a day or so to recover before I decide what to do next.  Fact is, I'm not sure.  But I'm not going to decide right now.

Stay tuned.


Friday, May 22, 2015

One More Day

Another night, mostly without event.  I only had to get up one time, so maybe the multiple-non-erection thing reached a peak.  The skin under the ring was a little sore around the bottom this morning.  I'm not sure why.  I have noticed that driving is not 100% comfortable, and I was on the road for several hours yesterday.

One more day until I take the device off, inspect, clean, and figure out what to do next.  I'm conflicted on whether to just lock back up and keep going or take a break from chastity.  On the one hand, having an orgasm is much on my mind lately.  (Wonder why?)  On the other, there are pleasures to chastity that are pretty amazing, too.  I very much enjoy the feeling of helplessness to all things feminine, power amplified by being just out of reach.  And the sensation of submission that being locked in a cage provides is really, really nice.

But there are health considerations, too.  A guy should not go too long without an orgasm, or at least exercising the prostate.  I have not figured out how to do that yet.  Last night's experiments were unfruitful even if I was emitting a bit on my own regardless.  I have a lot to learn about keeping up good health while locked.  I don't want to do any permanent damage.

If I do lock back up, I would like to start thinking of ways to not be in total control of the keys.  I have been carrying a key on my car key ring due to fear that "anything can happen at any time."  As I learn that I can wear this device for longer periods of time, though, I won't really need to have that with me all the time.  But what to do with the keys?  An emergency out is just smart, but having it close at hand at all times is unnecessary and kind of defeats the point.

Okay, I'm off on my work day.  Any thoughts from my many millions of readers would be appreciated.


Thursday, May 21, 2015

It's Good To Be Home

I'm home from my trip, and very happy to be here.  It's always nice to wander around and not worry about other people being around.

The only real update is that I was somewhat tormented during the drive, my mind wandering to erotic topics repeatedly.  Day 5 seems to be a toughy and has been before when I've abstained for that long.  I stopped to go to the bathroom several times without problems, and the slight chaffing from sitting in the car for that long isn't terrible.  Oddly, though, it's worse than running.

The automated "keyholder" site time limit has passed, so I've completed my "commitment" there.  I'm kind of leaving that alone for now.  I need to experiment with it some more, but without a safe that's controlled by the site, it's not really that interesting.

I have been having "emissions" since I got home.  For kicks, I spooled up some titillating images -- for me that means smartly-dressed women who look capable and authoritative -- and that definitely made the situation "worse."  Shocker.  Poor me.

Still planning to hold out until Saturday to set a new personal record, then decide what to do next.  I need to figure out how to keep the plumbing healthy if I do this much more, and I have to have a compelling reason to interest me.  Not sure what I'll do yet.

But I do think the big hurdles have been overcome.  Now, being locked up is just a "fact of life."

Good to be home.

Crunch Time

Things continue to go well, far in excess of my best possible imagining.  The device remains locked on, and I'm getting through life while acclimatizing myself to constantly being caged.  In some ways it feels so fantastic that it's difficult to explain.  Enforced chastity (even if the "enforced" has a very simple release clause at the moment) really touches my submissive soul.  I feel sexually captive, which likely explains the urge to have a keyholder I care about.  It's a very nice way to connect.

After my run yesterday, I did feel some surface skin soreness on the underside of the ring.  That will go away as I run more with the device on... it's skin getting accustomed to being rubbed in a new place.

Last night I woke up several times again, each time with a raging non-erection.  It takes some time to let that subside, but it's hard to get it to go away when all I can think about is the cage, which feels erotic as hell.  It's a vicious cycle that does, eventually, calm down.

I put the cage on Saturday, then set up the automated keyholder function on Keysafe.org on Sunday.  That commitment passed yesterday, but I did not unlock.  I really want to go a week before removing it and cleaning everything.  That will be a HUGE milestone for me.  Depending on how things look when I take it off, I may decide to continue the experiment.

No, I have no idea where this is going.

But so far it's been fun, and for the first time since starting to learn about this topic, I'm able to participate "for real" without unduly impacting my life.  This opens up all sorts of opportunities.  That makes me happy.

One more experiment when I get home.  More on that later.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Sleeping and Running

Last night was tougher than others so far.  I woke up three times with a crushed erection and an extreme desire to pee.  So I waited ten minutes or so for the pressure to decrease, took care of the bathroom tasks, and went back to sleep.  There was no pain, and the pressure did pass, but three times in one night is unusual.  I remember that days three through five are the toughest, and I'm on day four.  So... there you go.  I suspect that this will pass.

On a really positive note, though, I ran 6.5 miles this morning.  Again, the dangly bits are a bit sore from being ignored for so long, now a definite blue.  So there was some slight discomfort at the beginning.  By the end of the run, though, everything was just fine, and I hardly noticed that I was wearing the device.  The running issue seems to be solved.

When I tried to stretch after the run, though, one of my preferred positions -- somewhat akin to a pretzel made out of tangled legs -- is not doable with the device on.  I just get crushed.  But there are alternatives that I can use to get the same effect.

Another day locked, and things seem to be going well.  Much better, in fact, than I anticipated.  Maybe I should start looking into getting a secure keysafe?

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Pressure Starting to Build

I had to make a trip in a car today, and sitting in the seat was uncomfortable after a while.  The seats in that car are not exactly °bucket seats,° but they are individually formed and tend to hold the thighs together.  As my dangly bits get tender from lack of attention (one might even describe them as turning blue) I have started to notice such things.

Yes, the fruit is starting to ripen, and for someone who is used to relief every day, that's a tough thing to get used to.  I don't know if that will change the nighttime experience, but I'm about to find out.  Other aches, deeper still, are beginning.  That may be just as much of a distraction, eventually, but for now it's actually quite pleasant.

I have to say that I'm pretty pleased to have come this far with so little negative effects.  The new device really seems to be a game changer.  I'm really thinking that I'd like to make it a week and overcome all the previous barriers.  It's odd, though, being locked with nobody holding the key... empty, I suppose.  Oh, well... on with the experiment, then I can worry about the rest later.


Monday, May 18, 2015

Another Big Leap

Well, now I've done it.  This is what happens when you go and get all cocky.  Okay, maybe that's an unfortunate word for it.  Over confident might be better.

I got a call today and am going to see clients for two days.  I've been locked in the Holy Trainer since it arrived on Saturday with no negative side effects so far, and that includes running and sleeping.  So what the hell.

I turned "authorization" for release over to the automated feature (called Strict Mistress) at Keysafe.org.  I've authorized a couple of Dommes to make tweaks to the conditions, so I'll find out more about how all that works.  But the guardrails of the experience are pretty well set.

Obviously, I'm taking a key with me, so it's all honor system.  I'm not stupid and am very much still in experimental mode.  But I'm the one driving all this, so I'm the only one I can disappoint.

The emotionally difficult days (three through six) are just coming up, so I need to be able to get out of real trouble if it comes to that.  (Pardon the pun.)  For instance, if I'm still awake in a sexual frenzy at 2:00 a.m. with an important meeting in the morning, priorities shift to getting the job done for the client.  This is a very interesting sexual diversion, but at the moment it's just a game.

So, committing to as much as three more days locked up (though Strict Mistress has the final say) and hitting the road.  That's a huge step.  As of tomorrow morning I will have met my current record for length of time continuously locked up.  If I make it to this milestone, I'll have to decide if I go for a week.  Wouldn't that be cool?  More?  I wonder if my motivation would hold out?

When I put the device on last Saturday afternoon, it was just for a "test fit."  This is some incredible "test fit."  I wonder what it will turn into, ultimately?

Holy crap... I may have to get the prostrate massage tool out when I get back.  Eeeeep!


First Run

I made it through another night wearing the Holy Trainer 2.  Yes, I had another nocturnal "event," but as with the first time, it was not painful and I was able to get through it.  Twice.

This morning was another milestone regarding an impossibility with the CB series of devices:  running.  I need to run, or stop eating.  Running is preferable.  So if a device cannot be worn while running, then it's of little use to me.  (I'd love to find one that allowed distance cycling, but unfettered male equipment in general is borderline on that score, so it's a lot to ask.)

Of course, shorts are important, so I wore the baggiest I have.  I also kept the route to four miles to start... will work up to more through the week.  But it was fine.  I can't put it any other way.  I could feel it, but there wasn't a lot of rubbing or pulling, so the compactness of the thing pays off again.  It was even a faster run that I've had in a couple of weeks.

We'll see if there is any bruising or other negative impacts, but I doubt there will be.  It simply wasn't a big deal.

So, more excuses by the wayside.

There are two more hurdles to get over with regard to longer-term wear:
1)  "Keeping fluids moving," for lack of a better term, and
2)  the emotional impacts of long-term wear.  This is soon to become the difficult and interesting part, I think.

Only two days in on this experiment, but my record for wear is three days without removal.  That is starting to look ridiculously short.  Wait... did I just say that?  Good thing nobody reads this blog.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

First Night

Well, last night was certainly a milestone.  I went out with the Holy Trainer still on and was fine all evening, even though there was some bicycle riding involved.  Absolutely NOT time trialing, mind you, but casual path riding at slow pace to get to dinner.  Not a problem.

The real news is that I kept the device on over night.  It was no problem getting to sleep, and I woke up around 5:00 a.m. very aroused.  But NOT in pain!  That's a HUGE milestone.  The fact that I could feel the hydraulics trying to do their thing and not NOT having my equipment ripped from my body was a new sensation.  I'm not saying it was entirely pleasant, but I was well assured -- for the first time wearing a device in this situation -- that no actual damage was being done to my body.

As a side note, I'm also able to use a urinal, something that's impossible with the CB series.  There's so much room in the tube with the CB design that the fluid flows all over the place inside before seeking every exit -- including out the back -- under pressure.  It's a mess.  With the HT, though, everything is snug and in place, so the critical exit point is lined up with the hole in the end of the device.  It's like not wearing anything.

I'm kind of stuck at home today waiting for a delivery for which I must sign, but if I can go for a run in the morning without removing the HT, then this could be the device I've been looking for, a real game changer.

But then all of my excuses will be gone.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Excited and terrified at the same time.  I think how I feel at any given moment has a lot to do with the person I imagine handing control of my keys.

More to come soon.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

New Toy!

My problems with the CB-6000 are well documented here, but the most significant have been:  cracking of the plastic during extended wear, bulk and fit while participating in endurance sports, and inability to keep the device on during a nocturnal erection.  These problems limited the usefulness of the device for being locked up by someone who controls the key.  So the emotional connection that chastity can provide was not really possible.

About a week ago, based on a friend's good experiences, I ordered a Holy Trainer 2 chastity device.  It seems to be a significant leap forward in design and construction over previous "trapped ball" devices.  All of the reviews pointed towards a wearable and durable device that was hygienic and comfortable for long-term wear.  The device arrived today.  Yes, I'm wearing it now. 

My first impression is that it is very much more comfortable than the CB line, mostly because the ring that keeps it on (which fits snug against the torso) is a single piece that is curved to be anatomically correct.  This means it can be smaller in diameter and still not pinch, bind, or cut off blood circulation.  The plastic feels much sturdier which allows the material of the ring to be thinner, too.  I understand it is at least as durable as the CBs, though, so maybe the cracking problem is solved.  There may still be a "break in" period, but I suspect not as much as I'm accustomed to... that can sometimes take a week.  But if the comfort holds up, I'll try to run in it, a huge barrier currently to extended wear.

The tube is much smaller than the CB, which is a great thing for profile and comfort.  I'm wearing an old pair of jeans, and where the CB would have been bulky and in the way, the HT is just slightly in the way.  I can almost completely close my legs together before I feel it.

I'll have to wear it for a bit before I really understand its strengths and weaknesses, and it could take weeks of tweaking to really get the hang of it.  Only time will tell if I can make it through difficult nights in this thing, but some reviewers say that the design makes this possible.

This is the first time I've felt like I have even the slightest chance of being locked up for more than two or three days.  That is making me consider what I really want out of a relationship with a Keyholder and how long I really want to give up control.  I am finding as I sit here, though, that I am wishing the keys were not in my hands.  That's truly frightening.  And hot.  And frightening.  And hot.

I'm sure there will be more posts soon.  Life is a journey, and I'm enjoying this part of mine.