Skillz

It's not just Dominants who need to have skills for successful D/s play.  There are things that can make a submissive more "ready" to submit.  Lately, I've been playing with some of these as much for something to do sexually as for any particular purpose or expectation.

1:  Working regularly in what I call "maid mode," I've been exercising my "servant skills."  This regular embodiment of the attitude, personality, and presentation of an excellent, hardworking, and obedient housemaid allows me to enter into and stay productive in that role when called upon to do so.  I consider it a privilege to be in service to a Domme I respect and prefer to do "heavy" work (cleaning) in blocks of two to four hours and personal service for longer.  This means I need to be capable of being effective and focused on my role for those time frames, and be able to move effectively and naturally in the dress and heels.  I get annoyed at submissives who just want to dress up, wave a feather duster around a bit, then whine for a hand job.  They give the maid role a terrible reputation when it should be one of the most sought after and prized by Dommes.

2:  Wearing a chastity device requires stepped conditioning over time, as much as two to four weeks to accustom the body to long-term wear.  I've begun the process of training my body to wear a device without unnecessary chaffing or rash.  I'm currently not locked full time, but spending every other day or so wearing my Holy Trainer 2.  I don't like the idea of being locked up "permanently," but I would like to bring the greatest capability possible to any situation.

3:  Sexual control is a key aspect of almost any relationship a submissive will be in.  Chastity is a HUGE help here -- I put on my device when I start feeling strong arousal coming on -- but it isn't the end of the story.  I haven't had a full orgasm in over a week.  Instead, once the sexual tension builds up and I decide to grant myself relief, I use a Hitachi Magic Wand against my chastity device and a prostate massager to "take the edge off."  Being aroused and penetrated while locked is a thoroughly submissive experience, very different from a full orgasm.  It's similar to a "ruined" orgasm or "milking" and occurs deeper inside the body and emotions than a full ejaculation.  Feelings of post-relief regret are MUCH less pronounced than with an orgasm, and the refractory period is either nonexistent or very short.  Not only do I usually remain in a mostly submissive mindset, but I feel relieved that I do.  I'm experimenting to see if this type of relief is sufficient over a long period of time since it does move fluids and exercises some of the key plumbing.  Being easy to control and sexually maintain in a very submissive headspace could be a very attractive quality in a submissive, particularly if cuckolding is involved.

4:  I've set one of my computers up to display tasteful photos of women on a very slow rotation.  (No nudes or directly sexual photos!)  The simple presence of femininity in my universe keeps me feeling docile, a feeling I absolutely love.  This makes me feel grateful that I am so vulnerable and easy to manipulate, and that motivates me to be a better submissive.  The near-constant low-level arousal makes me crave being locked up so I don't orgasm in a selfish way.  It's a low-power, high-need state, and it makes me feel like a ripe fruit ready to be picked, helpless to do anything about it.  I like it a LOT.

So these are my current experiments in building submissive "skills."  Clearly, they are more mental and emotional than physical, but the ability to employ the physical aspects are key to being more "real" as a submissive, not just another selfish wanker.  Dommes get a bazillion of those.  I want to be far, far more.

Asides and Experiments

I've been locking myself up more often, trying to get used to wearing my CB for longer periods of time.  The intent has been to get to the point that I can wear it long term.  The actual wearing has been successful so far, but that is mostly just an aside.

The Aside

I have learned that anatomically, I'm not ideal for this sort of thing.  It can be done, it's just not easy.  My "range of states" is quite broad, so flaccid to erect is about a 6x growth in length and 2x in diameter.  When nature kicks off that process, it becomes a hydraulic nightmare trapped in a flimsy plastic container.  Comfort in one state is incompatible with the other.

At the same time, experiments with base ring sizes -- the part that goes snug against the torso and keeps the whole kit in place -- shows that small and medium-sized rings cut off nourishing blood flow from the dangly bits.  I need a larger ring.  This means that the whole contraption is less snug and more able to slide in ways that are painful.  Ow.  This would explain why I have such problems with nocturnal wear.

Feature Functionality

Just for kicks, I've been using a site called keysafe.  This has a set of features to allow keyholders and device wearers to interact with varying levels of control over locking mechanisms.  The control spans from "honor system" to safes that are connected to the Internet and report any tampering or unauthorized access.  It's a very hot idea.

One feature is designed for wearers without a keyholder, I suspect a majority of the site's users.  This is a virtual keyholder who will provide authority over your key according to parameters you set at any level of security including full control of your automated safe.  One parameter is whether or not other site users can vote for the virtual keyholder to increase or decrease your time locked.

Experience

I decided to lock myself away and turn authority over to the virtual keyholder.  A couple of hours later, someone I never met voted to increase my time locked.  Then someone else did the same thing.  And another.  These are people I have never interacted with, don't know, and can't even tell much about from their profiles.  It was both self-professed "Dominants" and a locked guy, too.  No comments, no introductions, no explanation, just voting to increase.

To say that I was scratching my head over this is understating.  I finally posted a note asking if this was the site's way of saying "hello."  One person responded that, hey, yeah, I guess it is.  I mean... WHAT?!

Verification

There is another feature of the site that verifies that accounts claiming to be women really are women.  (Apparently, they do this via a one-time video chat.)  As anyone who has been around online D/s knows, most "Dommes" -- particularly those demanding money -- are men, so this is a welcome feature.  But very few of the female profiles on the site are verified.

This begs the question:  if someone expects me to go through the discomfort and discipline and annoyance of being locked up, why can't they take a moment to get verified?  One answer is obvious:  they're not who they say they are and couldn't pass even the lowest verification bar.  But if they are who they present, then it's even worse... they can't be bothered.  So why even consider them to be "Dominant?"

Next Steps

I'm still interested in learning and playing with this, but there are a few things running through my mind:
1)  The fantasy of months-long lockup is not my cup of tea.  Days to build up frustration for a bonding experience, and I'm all in.  Denial just for the sake of it would have to have a very serious relationship layer to make it worth while.  And there are negative health issues with long-term lockup.
2)  The relationship is everything.  I can see being in a power-only relationship to some extent, but the control of sexuality and containment of neediness along with the desperate vulnerability it brings speaks to a bond, not just a manipulation.
3)  There is another device I may try before long to see if the limitations mentioned above are device-specific or can be overcome with better design.
4)  Unfortunately, I'll be doing some traveling for a while.  At least at first, I won't be able to be locked up a lot.  The schedule is unclear, but this is an unforeseen wrinkle.  I'm sure I'll roll with it somehow.

So, more learning and more figuring out.  This is a nice and private way to experiment and play.  I've even met some people who may be interested in something a little more real-time.  Oh, no... not real!  Haha.

Hair

I have a difficult relationship with hair, lost as I am in the no-man's-land of being "bald." But I'm not bald. I'd LIKE to be, but I'm not. I'm hairy as my cats, only with thick, coarse hair that grows at an unbelievable rate in patches and strands and grossly sparse manscapes. Men don't lose their hair, it just migrates towards gravity.

What has this to do with sex? Only that I shaved myself below the eyebrows on New Year's Eve as a way to kick off a kinky 2011. I planned to keep mostly hairless and wear more feminine fashions. But I'm finding that this doesn't work as well in reality as it did in my twisted and plotting mind. I knew it would take maintenance, but within eight hours I had stubble everywhere. Three days after my last full-body, perfectly-smooth, hour-to-get-everywhere denuding, I've generated a short mat of stubble that's between 1/8 inch and 1/4 inch. I haven't shaved my head in two days and now sport what I call my "hippy look."

Blah, blah, blah. What's all this about hair? Well, I had a fantasy in my head that I could entertain more feminine pursuits on occasion if I was smooth. I was willing to work at it. But I'm not willing to work this hard. This is an hour-a-day exercise and it simply isn't worth that. Nor is it worth going through this *scratch* conversion from *scratch* no hair to *scratch* full hair on a regular basis. This is a simple case of fantasy not living up to reality. More accurately, it's a case of fantasy being too expensive to maintain in reality.

Now that I have that equation in my head, I'll think about that fantasy more realistically. And as I approach other fantasies I'll be one experience closer to having reasonably accurate expectations about how it may translate into reality. That's not cynicism, that's pure mechanics. It will eventually help me break down barriers that I don't know how to break today.

But boy am I glad I gave it a go!