Monday, July 27, 2009

A Weekend Off

I decided to take the weekend off from chastity. Partly this is due to the mechanical problems with the device, but also because I just didn't have anything I wanted to accomplish with it. So I went my own way and had a wonderfully vanilla weekend.

I'm motivated at the moment by pursuits that have nothing to do with mind games or sex or bdsm. I have a tendency to not only start projects that most people cannot believe I'm attempting, but also to get several of them going at once. Every once in a while I have to drag one of these over the finish line and declare it done. And that's what I'm doing now. The sexual games at the moment -- since there isn't anyone to share them with -- are a distraction, filler between the major blocks of my life. For the moment, that's how it has to be.

But at some point I'll feel the need to get back to where I was and pick up the experiments. Maybe next weekend? The one after that? Who knows.

That does NOT, however, stop my mind from churning and wondering about all sorts of things. So stay tuned.

Quietlisten

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Wow, this is really hard!

My hat is off to guys who stay locked in chastity tubes for longer than a few hours. It's really hard. (Pardon the pun.) I've been locked in since Thursday, except for when I'm asleep. Overall, I enjoy having the thing locked on, but the reasons for that have been changing. At first, it was just a physical sensation of having my privates caged and locked. Yes, that part of the submissive's mind that enjoys being bound will like the sensation of the CB. After wearing it for a while, though, I felt a slightly longer term change. I had to avoid arousing images or even dwelling on certain thoughts too much or I would be reminded that my arousal was under lock and key, not just my physical parts. A cock cage, after all, polices erection, not sex. (I define sex as a LOT more than penetration.)

Then yesterday I saw a beautiful woman crossing the parking lot of a store I was exiting. Normally I would think something like "holy crap, is she beautiful," and be on my way. But yesterday I had a sensation of being very, very submissive to her and absolutely no threat to her whatsoever. It may sound odd, that "no threat" part, but western society sends messages -- some subtle, some overt -- to everyone. To women it's "you're not pretty enough," and to men it's "you are a potential rapist." As this woman passed ten feet away, I felt absolved of the unspoken accusation. I noticed her, had a fleeting wish to carry her packages for her, and went on my way.

I wonder what would happen if there was some way that women could tell instantly and without a doubt which guys were locked up. Maybe a piece of jewelry could tell the tale. Would meeting a single guy and knowing he was locked make any difference to the conversation? To her opinion of him? Yes, a thousand anwers depending on who "she" is and who "he" is, but a curious thought experiment. Or is it a fantasy?

Back to the wearing of the thing...

The problems associated with a cage device are well documented, and it takes first-hand experience to understand what can be done about some of them. Sleeping and urinating are my biggest problems, in that order.

I need to get pretty accustomed to wearing the device before I try sleeping in it again, and then do so at a time when I can deal with several-times-nightly wake-up calls from nature. I need sleep, especially when I'm ramping up the running, and work is demanding enough that I have to be totally "with it" or I'll get into trouble pretty quickly. Gotta sleep.

Yesterday when I was getting myself put together in the morning, I found that one of the guide pins on the CB had come out of its socket. It goes right back in and can be glued without a problem, but I'll do that during the week.

I spent several hours yesterday afternoon in a place without toilets. I'll skip all the messy details except to say that I noticed a stream coming out of the top of the CB; the seam has a small pinhole in it that is only detectable by "fluids under pressure." That's another easy fix (I put clear tape over it for the time being), but I'm getting fairly annoyed at the number of "little fixes" that this thing is requiring.

Finally, I do have to wear loose clothing to accommodate the CB. That's not a HUGE big deal, but it is different. It does not lend itself to cross-dressing very well at all; it makes the bulge BIGGER, which is kind of not the point.

So there is my current ramble about my experiences and thoughts over the past days. My opinion is pretty much unchanged: as one tool among many for couples to play with, to extend sexuality out of the bedroom, chastity is a delicious experience that provides access to many levels of mental play. But I wouldn't want to be in long-term lockup unless a woman got SERIOUSLY off on it. And even then, it would take some kind of mental stimulation to make it worth while... she would have to talk to me and let me know what she was getting out of it.

The last experiment I have considered is to see how long it takes in chastity before I can "milk" my prostate, or if I even can. It's day four without erection or stimulation, so I'm thinking my chances are pretty good. We'll see. I'll post something if I figure it out.

What I might do with all of this information I'm gathering through experiment, I have no idea. Perhaps I should write an owner's manual for myself, an indexed PDF file with a little registration card in the back for the warranty. Who said relationships were risky? 10 years or 150,000 miles of trouble-free service. What more can you ask for?

Quietlisten

(Note: Cross-posted to collarncuffs.com)

Friday, July 17, 2009

It's NOT Chastity

I was doing some mundane paperwork this morning when it dawned on me that what I am experimenting with at the moment is NOT chastity. It's been far too long since I've been with somebody I cared about, so I've BEEN chaste. I've been way too chaste for way too long, and there has been no barrier beyond my own personal decisions to make that true.

What I'm really playing with is sexual control, symbolism, masturbating the brain by not masturbating the external bits. It's a sense of being locked up even while out in public that has me interested. Perhaps I need the sense that not everything is about my own physical enjoyment. I LIKE to think that I'm building a skill that a fairly vanilla (though open-minded) woman might find attractive. But I get something out of it, too. The details of that are only slowly coming visible.

But the chastity is self-imposed and not entirely connected to the device. That's probably obvious to everyone but me.

Quietlisten

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Back in

I'm back in the chastity cage. After a weekend out of town I was wanting to give it another try. This time my expectations are a little different. I know how hard it will be to get through the night, so tonight I'll remove the device (I have to be 100% at work, no way around that) and it'll go back on first thing in the morning. I'll be on the move tomorrow, by car, so I can get away with this in a way I normally cannot. So almost four days locked up; a reasonable next step in my experimentation. And I'll do everything I can to not remove it at night, even if I wake up in pain. I'll try to summarize my experiences towards the end of the weekend.

As an aside, I found a couple of wonderful blogs today, both dominant women who veer away from traditional fetish and towards intimate femdom. I wish there were more ladies like this, but it's no wonder they are very taken. Or, rather, have taken.

femdomalt.blogspot.com is the Femdom Alternative. It's wonderful to read about a woman who is lovingly dominant and fully embraces her sexuality.

femdom101.blogspot.com is, well, femdom 101. Another woman who uses dominance to bring her closer to her husband.

Everyone have a wonderful rest of the week. I'm off to try running in this cage (it worked okay once; hope that's normal).

Quietlisten

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Another day

I'm back in it, though I didn't sleep with it on last night. Yes, of course I'm talking about the CB-6000. It really isn't bad to wear around doing day-to-day stuff, and today I'm in the office a good chunk of the day.

A friend from a kink-friendly site sent a note asking about the CB's significance to relationships, not just the physical restrain. Yes, promoting intimacy would be a huge purpose of the device, and I wouldn't enjoy it if she didn't positively get off on holding the key. The idea is to be reminded of her by wearing the device, and for her to be reminded of me by holding the key. It's probably one of the more vanilla methods of BDSM play (if that isn't a total oxymoron) and possibly pretty acceptable to women who don't think of themselves as "Dominant."

Does that make it a "slippery slope" device? Next thing you know, she could be making small demands in exchange for release or (God forbid) asking for exactly what she wants in bed. Gosh, I hope so.

So why am I doing this? Well, I figure this is a good skill to have as a submissive, a famliarization with more methods of play that a woman might actually enjoy. I do need more than vanilla mercenary 2.13 times per week, and feeding my imagination takes a good-sized shovel. I can feed a that imagination a little bit on my own, but I really do hope to have someone to share it all with.

Now it's off to the day's activites to wrap up this wonderful holiday weekend.

Quietlisten
(Note: Cross-posted to http://collarncuffs.com.)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ouch

Last night was my first attempt at sleeping in the CB. I had found a very comfortable combination of base ring and spacer for normal use. I even spent a chunk of yesterday working in the yard in the heat with no ill effects. The trick, it seams, is loose underwear. I hate boxers because they broadcast arousal to the world, the "tent syndrome." They're horrendously uncomfortable if a single seam isn't sewn just so. But the CB fixes all that. It's protective and totally prevents unauthorized "salutes."

So the wearing went well yesterday, even chafe-free. The urinating part is still a problem and I have no idea how I would pull that off in a work environment. When I went to bed, I was feeling comfortable and secure.

At about 12:30 I woke up in total agony. I felt like some particularly sensitive body parts were being rended from my lower torso. It wasn't a sharp pain like being struck or cut, but as if the entire package was being physically pulled away, no anesthesia.

I sat at the edge of the bed trying desperately to calm things down by thinking about dead kittens, trench warfare, and Nancy Pelosi. But the problem wasn't that I was having arousing thoughts. Some subconscious maintenance cycle was clearing the arterial plumbing, and it hurt like nobody's business. After five minutes of teeth-gritting, sweating agony, the problem abated and I went back to sleep.

Then at 4:30 Maintenance Cycle Two began. This time I couldn't do it. I grabbed the key and let myself out. It was such a sense of relief that I just lay there chuckling for a moment. I haven't put it all back on yet; had an alarm to deal with first thing this morning. I slept in later than I wanted to and now am trying to catch up.

But the bottom line is that sleeping in a CB is not easy. Perhaps it wasn't fitted exactly right as I went to sleep. Maybe this effect would diminish over time. But I need sleep and cannot at the moment suffer this kind of loss. So I'm not sure how to proceed. Some research is in order.

Hopefully more positive reports to come, but for now there are obstacles to be overcome. And a penpal is asking what chastity means to me. Ooof. Another blog post in that, I think.

Quietlisten
(Cross-posted to: http://collarncuffs.com)

Friday, July 3, 2009

An Experiment

When I arrived home from work yesterday to begin this holiday weekend, I immediately changed out of my work clothes and donned my CB-6000. It took some doing since I haven't had relief in a few days, and I found that the discomfort of ice almost exactly matches the arousal of stimulation. I had to stand over an air conditioning duct and think about accounting principles in order to get into the CB.

Then I went out running a few errands and forgot the key at home. Freudian slip? Not sure. But for several hours I went about my business locked and without a key. Cool.

I did hit one bump last night. I woke up to a very sore base ring, so I took the whole thing off. As soon as I awakened, I located and put on the next larger ring and hope that solves the problem. I'll be working in the yard today, so I should find out if this will work in a demanding environment. And I'll be working in the shop later as well. I'll report back on results as the weekend progresses.

My intent is to stay in the CB as much as possible and work out the logistical quirks of the device. Theoretically, if I can wear it comfortably for three days I can wear it longer. If I can get comfortable enough to wear it at work, I may try longer stints. If I can wear it longer with some confidence, then I may re-think what I want out of all this. Right now I just see this as a skill that a good submissive male should have on offer.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. I'm enjoying mine already.

Quietlisten
(Note: Cross-posted to http://collarncuffs.com.)