I've spent the weekend out of the HT2, and I have to say that for some activities that is a huge relief. Surprisingly, running doesn't seem to be a problem, though I have had to stop wearing triathlon shorts for that... baggy works better. I did, however, spend a lot of time doing yard work in old jeans. Old jeans shrink, and there is a lot of bending over while doing yard work. So, not good for wearing a device that might just crush things that shouldn't be crushed. I could probably find a way to live with it -- wearing baggy shorts, for instance -- but there is a reason I wear old jeans while doing things like clearing brush... they protect.
The past couple of days have taught me that the feelings towards women that I have while locked are different than the ones I have while not. It's not a difference between "better" or "worse," it's just a different tint. When I'm locked up, I feel more comfortable NOT pursuing in a directly sexual way, as if I've been relieved of social expectations of "maleness." I feel like I want to support and appreciate more, and more broadly. And I feel a lovely, pervasive sense of deference.
That's not to say that sexual attraction goes away, in fact in one sense it intensifies greatly. I'm a huge fan of the female form and all things feminine. By about Day 5 of being locked up, every hourglass figure snatches my attention regardless of any attempt to concentrate on something else. A whiff of perfume or a nice pair of shoes or hair tucked behind the ear can send all mental activity off of thoughtful rails and into the chaotic ravine of built-up tension. I really, really enjoy being that manipulable, feeling the cage remind me that I am in a sexual prison. There is a background neediness that pervades every aspect of thought.
Chastity is sexual control, hopefully quite caring. It is also a way to bend the mind using the sex drive and open new ways of relating and interacting with women. It can also be a direct tool for punishment and reward, though whether extending lockup time represents "punishment" or "reward" depends a lot on circumstance and relationship between keyholder and locked. But just as a side note, it is NOT a way to make orgasms more mind-blowing; it does take one or two orgasms to get all functions working like normal.
So far, I have retained control of my keys. I suspect that a keyholder would command some part of my mind and sexual identity in a very profound way. It's not clear to me how that "bubble of control" would make me see the world around me, or how I would feel about my keyholder immediately or over time. I think I would enjoy the sense of needy deference, the very real power she would have over me. This is something I would like to explore more with someone who was interested in me as a person.
To date, I have only been locked up for a week. That's not a lot of time in chastity terms. I was experiencing some slight soreness from the ring of the device, but I doubt that could not be overcome. I have fears about prostate health and ability to function long term if I partake in chastity more regularly... or a lot. So, I'll do some reading and figure out what boundaries make sense.
There hasn't really been a point to this note yet. So I'll just try to wrap it up: chastity play is more possible than I thought, and I am hoping to dive deeper into it. Who knows how deeply the rabbit hole goes? This evening, there may be a *click* sound with no idea when the *unclick* might happen.
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